Hallmark would be proud...

I thought and thought for weeks about what to do for Kevin for Valentine’s Day. I wanted to do something for him that expresses how much I love him and fits in our budget (which is invisible so that was hard). I already cook him nice dinners, do his laundry, and say ‘I love you’, and these are all the lame things coming to mind.
I decided to think harder.

I thought about writing sexy messages in the mirror and wearing skimpy lingerie, sticking romantic notes in his wallet and giving him a massage. I thought about getting a babysitter and making a candlelit dinner followed by dessert in bed. I thought about going on a hike, cleaning out his truck or painting him a picture. I googled ‘romantic ideas’ and read about all the ways to “wow your husband on Valentine’s Day” when it hit me.

These are things I should be doing for him anyways. Kevin deserves to feel loved, to be ‘wowed’, everyday. Love is demonstrated. Love unexpressed isn’t love at all. I was horrified. I love that man than any living person on this planet (well he's neck and neck with Lila) and I never want him to doubt that for a second. I watch him all the time and think how sexy he looks when he comes home from work, or how joyful I am when I wake up and Kevin and Lila are sitting together on the couch reading the Bible, so I can get a few more minutes of sleep. The world feels manageable when he is here. He is constantly making me feel mushy, without even knowing it. I never understood those couples who got married, had kids and let their love lives die...Until I got married, had a baby and let my love life die. Whoops. Something must be done. I read 1 Corinthians 13, sort of the go-to manual on the subject of love.

"Love is patient (whoops), love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish (whoops); is not provoked (whooooooops); does not keep records of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1 Cor 13:4-8

Over the last year, I have watched my husband transform into a strong, faithful, man of God and it has been such a privilege. I am so proud of him. He inspires me. He is the kind of man that I want Lila to meet someday. I have no doubt that he will be the father that she deserves and more. I am so thankful for his love despite the ugly past I’ve brought into our marriage. His unconditional love has healed my heart. God is so incredibly good and I am so indescribably grateful. This man deserves the love described in chapter 13.

So for Valentine's Day this year, along with freaky pink oatmeal & heart shaped toast, a homemade sourdough starter, gift card and a surprise trip to the movies, I vowed to never let the romance die between us. No matter what is going on in life, I will make sure that he feels loved. No matter how busy, how tired, how distracted I am, Kevin will always know that I think he is the sexiest, strongest man alive. (Edward Cullen is fiction so he doesn’t count as competition.)  And as I sign of my everlasting love for him, I gave him permission to hunt and kill my cat, Stewart.

Just kidding. But seriously, it is one of the most important vows I'll ever make. Right behind, "I, Krista, take you Kevin, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness."

Every party has a pooper...

Well, it's official. Kevin and I are those people. We stopped drinking. Bah humbug.
I could list a hundred reasons off the top of my head why I believe that alcohol has no real benefits, however, I will spare you this torture. Instead, I will tell you why it was a necessary choice for us.

We surrendered our lives to Christ and along with our lives, our stumbling blocks. (If you remember, goodbye TV and facebook). We gave God permission to use us as He sees fit. We asked Him to makes changes and corrections as necessary to be most effective for furthering His kingdom.

"equip you with all that is good to do His will, working in us what is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever." Hebrews 13:21

"All scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work." 2 Tim 3:16-17

As many of you know, we feel as though God has laid it on our hearts to start a Christian school in the Cle Elum/Roslyn area. If any personal behavior on our parts were to jeopardize this project, we would be devastated. This is what sparked the decision, however, I believe it was a long time coming.

It is no secret that I liked to party. This was at the core of every seriously, bad decision I've ever made. After many years, I learned to associate 'fun' with alcohol. Things like camping, football and going to the lake were only fun if you could drink beer. As it turned out, while pregnant with Lila, I lost my affection for many of these activities. (That very well could have been the constant nausea or the extra forty lbs also.) As God has taken my heart back, I've lost the urge to feel drunk. I find it horrifying, actually. It's happened a couple times in the last 6 months and I've felt the deepest regret. Kevin and I stuck to our 'one glass' rule for the most part and I rather enjoyed the occasional glass of wine with dinner or the necessary CatchPhrase beer. As humbling as it is to admit, I struggled with sticking to just one. This is when I started to realize that there was a problem.

I discussed my decision to quit drinking with my Mom who I assumed would think this choice, a radical one. She always taught me that extremes are dangerous and the key was self-control and balance. She thought giving up drinking was wise. This was exercising self-control. Neither of my parents drank in front of my brother and I until we were in high school. I never thought to make the association, but she informs me that alcoholism runs in both sides of my biological families. When I got home, I decided to do a little research.

"A study in Sweden followed alcohol use in twins who were adopted as children and reared apart. The incidence of alcoholism was slightly higher among people who were exposed to alcoholism only through their adoptive families. However, it was dramatically higher among the twins whose biological fathers were alcoholics, regardless of the presence of alcoholism in their adoptive families."
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/genetics/a/aa990517.htm

"However, other researchers have argued that the scenario of inheritance is more complex, and what is inherited is a mix of personality traits, such as those related to antisocial behavior, rather than alcoholism itself (27). Genes might play a direct role in the development of alcoholism, as in affecting the body's metabolism of alcohol; or they might play a less direct role, influencing a person's temperament or personality in such a way that the person becomes vulnerable to alcoholism."
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/alerts/l/blnaa18.htm

"If a person's risk of developing alcoholism is 60% determined by his or her genetics and 40% caused by his or her environment, it is asserted that the problem of alcohol addiction can be addressed from both genetic and environmental frameworks. Indeed, by using a "proactive" problem solving approach, the genetics part of the problem frequently can be eliminated. Furthermore, by focusing on various situational and behavioral factors, the environmental dynamics that help establish and reinforce alcohol abuse and alcoholism can be significantly reduced."
http://www.healtalk.com/public/54.shtml

So in a nutshell, scientists are pretty sure. They don't know whether there's actually an "alcoholism gene" or just genetic personality traits that make you vulnerable, either way, you're exactly that...VULNERABLE! It's probably best not to take any more chances. The odds are not stacked in my favor. Now I'm not saying that I will never toast at a wedding, or enjoy a glass of wine with my husband on a weekend getaway ever again...but I may not too. We will see.

My sweet, saint-like husband, is done drinking too (although he never had an issue) but I have a sneaking suspicion it might be a moral support thing. Not that he'd ever admit it. Kevin says that if it is ever a struggle for me, I can always get pregnant again.
How thoughtful.

Now I am not saying that I think everyone who drinks is sinning. I just know that it is not a good choice for me. Although admitting to this problem is embarrassing, there is a certain amount of inevitable accountability that comes with waving your dirty laundry in front of the entire cyber-neighborhood. If my behavior is ever questionable, please talk to me. And my friends, if you close your eyes and bow your head to pray at church on Sunday morning and feel like you're spinning, I urge you to consider praying for strength. God ALWAYS answers. 

"Be Sober! Be on the alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him, firm in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are being experienced by your brothers in the world. Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little."
1 Peter 5:8-10

Okay, okay, I get it.